Save The Frog by Serena Sun

         Serena was walking on her way home from school when she noticed three boys who looked a year older than her,spitting on a dead frog.She watched in disgust as she told them to stop.they did not stop,in fact they actually pushed her back.She headed home speechless thinking she had to do something about this.She then new she wanted to make a club to help animals of all kinds.Big,small,hairy,slimy,reptile,mammal.She would go to school tomorrow to accept members.She had it all planned out as she went to bed.Yes she thought.I will make a difference…

BREAKING NEWS! SCIENTISTS HAVE FOUND A WAY TO CREATE WHALE-A-CORNS!!! by Lucy Dreher

Dr. Na Treal had the idea to genetically create a Whale-A-Corn or the scientific saying “Narwhal” but the real creators are Dr. Fakers, Dr. Gonna, and Dr. Fakfakfakfakfak and have been hard at work creating this magnificent creature, which is AMAZING, OMG!!

Everyone should come see this creature even if you live in the
U.S.A! Oh wait we live in the U.S.A. right… anyway if you live in Japan
come to canad- I mean U.S.A!

Catfish Sued for Murder! People Clamor For Electric Eel! by Britta Nathan

A Five Foot Catfish in a pond near Frankfurt was sued after eating all the other fish in the pond and then moving on to ducklings, by the owner of the land.  

The catfish in question was brought into trial yesterday in a large fish tank and charged with cannibalism and homicide, and is now in custody...   

Super strength Koala Left Stuck in Fence Seeks Revenge! Staff Member in Hospital! by Britta Nathan

A clumsy Koala was left stuck in the fence at SA Power Networks after becoming caught for the third time in the last two days.  The staff at SA power networks were sick of calling the Animal Rescue place and decided to teach the Koala a lesson. A few hours later the Koala was found gnawing a hole through the door.  Before long it had gotten inside and tracked down one of the staff members who had refused to call Animal Rescue. Now the man is in the hospital with a broken leg after the koala picked him up and threw him out the window…

Ohio Man fined $150 for getting Fish Drunk! by Britta Nathan

An Ohio man was fined $150 yesterday after his wife discovered that the fish in his saltwater tank were drunk.  “I saw that all the fish were banging into the glass, and two were dead, so I thought to myself, ‘Those fish are drunk!’ and I reported it to the police.  My husband had spilled some of his drink into the water and gotten the fish drunk. One of the clownfish was gulping water and swimming in circles upside down!” the wife says.

The man is in custody until he pays the 150$ fine, and if this happens again, he will go jail…

Cowboy seen throwing confetti in Alabama! by Peyton Vincent

A cowboy was seen throwing confetti at a giraffe in Alabama today, he was supposedly throwing it at the giraffe because it was the giraffe’s birthday! The giraffe soon found out that confetti was illegal in Alabama, the cowboy found out too, the giraffe and cowboy talked it out and decided not to tell the police.

They are now criminals and are hiding in Bruno Mars’ house...

Great White Shark Wins 3016 Election World has a New Ruler! by Lucy Dreher

In the voting for a new world ruler a Great White shark named Fred Seashell has become a politician and won the voting,so now everyone is running in terror at their new world ruler and his new crab government, who are creating a new ocean called Shark Park.

Please any aliens reading this send help! We need it. Our world and the humans are on the brink of extinction. Life is coming to an end for the ground itself. Deksgud diisgggettdyskjq jfiwo (That was for the aliens)

Shadow of Elvis Presley seen on Smartboard in Kansas by Tvisha Talwar

On July 13 2018, the shadow of Elvis illuminated the screen of a smart board in front of 13
students. The teacher fainted and soon after the shadow disappeared The students claimed
that

Evis shouted the words “I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE”. It is said that a student, Nancy Bell
is a descendant of one of Elvis's EX-friends who stole 1,000,000 dollars .

The government does not know what to do about it yet but their first move would be to
question the Bells.     

Raccoon Looking Alien Climbs Skyscraper and Alien Invasion! by Serena Sun

When Mr. Shark walked back from work, he saw a weird figure climbing up a building.He claims that it looked a bit like a  blue raccoon with six arms it started climbing so high he was sure it would fall and when it reached the top it leaped down and scurried into a little hole.Everyone was scared of an invasion as the government realized more of them were raining down… down… down….

All of the aliens caused drama especially when they ate all the iphones. Many people
demand the government to do something and government surrenders…

Will they go away?

Babies New Superfood - Soylent Blue, Food Experts Say! by Beck Naylor

TWIN CITIES---Food experts think that babies could be the newest snackfood! Studies have found that the best-selling foods all lead up to this years best-selling snack food: babies! "They have a very high health rate! While they are high in nutricious value, they are also packed with fiber and other vitamins! All your daily needs in one meal!", says Dr. Dontknowsquat! "The only problem will be collecting enough to put them on the market!" But scientists have figured that out! "We don't want to say in fear of other companies taking our idea!", says Dr. Soylent Blue! "We just love our idea that much!"

   So now we have to wait for the products to start rolling in! "We have to put out our product soon! People are outside our doors, protesting against the wait!", Dr. Dontknowsquat reports! "The sooner the better! But you can start looking at select grocery stores! Located at the meat counter!"

Editors Note: "Soylent Green is both the name of a 1973 science fiction film and of a wafer-like food product in the film. The film is a police procedural set in the future, based on the 1966 novel Make Room! Make Room! The food is a processed protein ration made of human beings and distributed to an unsuspecting populace." -- http://www.dictionary.com/e/slang/soylent-green/

Man Arrested for Using Fork to Eat Chicken at KFC by Lucas Weidner

At a KFC in Atlanta, Georgia a man by the name of Jeff Wing was arrested and put on trial for eating fried chicken with a fork this last Friday, after he refused to eat with his hands like a “normal” person. According to witness Jake Bloom, he was “seriously offending everyone” in the restaurant and he decided to “call an officer to stop this disgrace”.

As the manager of the KFC in question, Karie Brown, recalls “We had asked this man to stop multiple times, but he said it was too unsanitary to use his hands to devour his meal.” When asked what happened when the police got involved, she added “The officer entered the building and told the man he had to leave or he had to use his hands like a normal person. When he again refused, the officer then used pepper spray to temporarily debilitate and handcuff the individual and bring him to the squad car.” The man could be heard yelling as he was taken out of the building “I all I wanted to so was just wanted to eat fried chicken!”

Jeff Wing will be going on trial this next Wednesday, facing a $35,000 fine and possibly up to 5 years prison. When we caught up with him, he said “This is absolutely ridiculous to have everybody squawking around like this! All I wanted was some decent chicken, which I didn’t get, by the way.”

Alien Spotted Surfing In Hawaii!!!! by Kali Sura

On Tuesday July 24th an alien was spotted surfing on the big island, “ Saw it with my own eyes! As big as a giant and shaped like a whale it was!” says Ernie Shaft who was out walking when he saw the alien crush 10 streets with one foot. The location of the alien is currently unknown however it was last seen crushing a mountain near the harbor. Seeing all the destruction and damage the alien caused the government sent police to tranquilize the alien and throw him into the ocean. The police found the alien crushing another 20 streets near the harbor and was about tranquilize it when the alien picked up the tranquilizer and crushed it with one hand.

It also picked up 30 policemen and threw far out into the ocean, terrified the remaining
20 police officers fled for their lives. The alien then proceeded to crush 8  more mountains and
flatten 3 woods so that by the end of the day the big island looked like nothing more than a
flat pancake with a few houses remaining. After eating more than 200 humans the alien retired
to the one forest remaining on the big island and slept peacefully.

The survivors fled in a boat to the island of Kilauea where a volcano erupted.
The terrified government surrendered to the alien.

CLONED WATER TO STOP WATER SHORTAGE! by Acadia Naylor

A new study has found that shredding water can clone it and create more fresh water! There is a rush across the country to grab full water bottles and help save the planet! Large collection bins are being set up at all public places for water donation! All persons in possession of full water bottles are being paid to shred them! The US Government is paying people $500 for each full water bottle they shred! Some states have passed a law that requires each person to shred a gallon of water a day!

Scientists are investing hours shredding water! Scientists love the idea and fully support it! Dr. BlaBla, PhD in English, said that it has the potential to save tenths of people! According to Dr. Nonexistent, the particles in the water duplicate when they hit certain metals, creating water from nothing! Dr. Iyma Faker says that this will revolutionize agriculture and can be used to stop droughts!

So what are you waiting for? Go shred some water right now!