The Swords, Rules, and Moves of Fencing: How to Play by Britta Nathan

Fencing is a French sport that I have learned by doing it!

Here are some of the words you will probably use:
Pret Pronounced like “Pray”, means “Ready”; Oui Pronounced like “We”, means “Yes”; Allez Pronounced like “Al-Ay”, means “Go”

How to do fencing depends on which sword you are using.The swords I use are below.

[Above]
Foil: Good for beginners
Target Area: Torso
Style: Poke                                                                                   

[

[Above]]
Sabre: (Most people’s preference and most common)
Target Area: Waist up
Style: Slash

 [Above]
Epee (My personal favorite and least well known)
Target Area: Whole Body
Style: Slash

When you fence:

1) Face your opponent about 4 feet away.
2) Put on your mask and one person will say, “Pret.”
3) When the other person is ready, they will say, “Oui.”
4) The first person says, “Allez.”

In Posture, (see below) advance and retreat (again, see below) trying to touch the other person with your sword.  How and where depends on the sword, which I covered above.
When someone extends their arm, they have the “Right Of Way”.  This means that they have the right to hit the other person. This means that if the person without the Right Of Way hits first, then the person with the Right Of Way hits, they get the point even though they hit second.  Right Of Way switches people when the blades touch.

There are several ways to play when it comes to points, but I usually play first to five points wins.

2. Posture
Fencing posture depends on whether you are right-handed or left-handed.  Stand with your heels together but your toes apart, so that your feet look like an L.  If you are left- handed, your left foo should be facing forward. If you are right-handed, your right foot should be forward. Keep your feet in an L shape, but move your feet farther apart so that your heels don’t touch anymore.  Don’t put them too far away, just somewhere around the length of your foot. Bend your knees slightly.  Don’t really squat, just relax your legs a little bit and sit a bit lower down than if you were standing up straight. Keep your legs the same, but turn at the waist so that your torso faces to the side.  Turn your head so that you are looking forward. Get one hand out of the way.  Some people like tucking their non-dominant hand behind their back, some prefer holding it above their head.  It’s your choice which you like better. If you’re right-handed, you should be doing this with your left. If you’re left-handed, do this with your right. Now, with the other hand, bend your elbow a little bit and hold it out in front of you.  Do not rest your elbow on your side, hold it out an inch or two. You should be standing like this:

3. Moving Around
1) Find an area with plenty of forward and backward space to move around.  Right to left length doesn’t matter, in Fencing it is against the rules to move in anything but a straight line.
2) Stand the way I taught you in “Posture” above.
3) Advancing
4) Move your front foot forward, not too far!
5) Push off with your back foot
6) Repeat, but keep your steps small and fast.  No running in fencing! No galloping either!

4. Retreating: Do not turn around, just do the steps for Advancing backwards! Move your back foot backwards. Push off with your front foot. Repeat, keeping steps small and fast.
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z4jVf8fZ8Xw]

Other Things
1) Lunge
2) Stand in correct posture
3) Extend your arm (When lunging, always do this FIRST)
4) Put your front foot forward far enough that your back leg is straight and your front leg is bent. Move back into correct posture.

I hope this helps you learn a little about fencing and I hope you try it sometime!

War is a Blizzard by Britta Nathan

War is an eternal blizzard

Cold snow of pain swirling everywhere

Hurting everyone

Tears like sharp diamonds

Dangerous ice trapping everyone involved in fear

And everyone is involved

Lost in this freezing mess we have made of our world

The Pig in Her Bag by Britta Nathan

It was December, a busy month for the farmer’s market.  Mia trekked past the stands with her pig, Leo. He was named after Leonardo Da Vinci, Mia’s favorite scientist, and had been a birthday present from her late Grandmother.  Mia had ridden there on her rusty bike, with Leo in the basket. Leo was a tiny pig, but healthily plump. They had been sent by mother to get some beans. They secretly bought some honey from the honey stand. Then they got to the beans.

Mia got in line with Leo under her arm and fished for her money.  Soon it was their turn.

“Why, hello!  That is quite the pig!  Think I could buy it off you?  Where are your parents?” The person at the stand looked around.

“He is not for sale, and my parents are at home.  Now could I have some beans, please?”

“Sure thing, that would be $5, please.”  Mia pulled out her money. $3.00. Oops. $2 spent on honey.  Mia thought mother had sent extra money.

“I actually don’t have enough money!  Sorry!” Leo and Mia went home to get more money.  As they pulled into the driveway, they heard mother open the broken screen door.

“Mia!  You’re back!  Did you bring the beans?” mother asked.  Mia explained. Except for the honey part, of course.

“And to think!  That lady thought she could buy Leo!” Mia finished angrily.

“I could have sworn I gave you $5, but, Mia, you can’t keep that pig of yours forever.  It might be about time we sold it. We could use the extra cash. Tell you what, I’ll come with to the market and we can-”

“Leo is a he! And you’ll never sell him!  I won’t let you!” she interrupted. Mia ran into the house and up the bare stairs to the room she shared with  three younger siblings. She locked the door and sat on her bed, eyes wide, for a moment. Then she grabbed her old school backpack and emptied out all the folders and notebooks still inside.

“Mia, let me in!  Listen to me! You unlock this door right now!” she heard mother say.  Mia did not, however, follow mother’s instructions. Instead, she reached into the closet and grabbed a few outfits, which she put in the backpack.  Then she rushed to the window and opened it. Mia and Leo were on the second floor. They needed to get out without using the door. Mia stuck Leo in the backpack, closed it, and jumped.  Leo squealed. Mia ran to her bike and got on.

The ride was uneventful, and pretty soon Mia and Leo were at the playground, a rusty mess of slides and monkey bars.

“Hi, Mia!” Uh oh, Tina, a younger sister.

“Hi, Tina, I’m just here playing with Leo.”

“Can I play?”

“No.”

“Why?” Tina whined.

“Go away, Tina.” Tina reluctantly left.

“Now, Leo, we wait,” Mia said.  And so they waited for dark, eating the honey that Mia still had in her pocket.  Before long, the park emptied out and the sky darkened. Mia put Leo in the bike basket and they rode home.

Mia pulled out the keys from her backpack and unlocked the door.  During the school year, she often got home to an empty house and so had to have her own keys.  They had never been taken out of the backpack after the school year ended. Mia could hear her parents snoring gently in the next room.  She snuck into the kitchen on her tiptoes, every moment listening for her parents. Mia opened the pantry and pulled out dried fruit. She knew it would keep for a while, a necessity for her plans.  Then she grabbed some peanut butter and a few apples. Mia crept up the stairs, wincing at every creak. The snoring in the room below stopped. Mia froze. The door to her parents room opened. Mia was immensely grateful Leo was outside in his little pen instead of with her.  She climbed the rest of the way up the stairs just as mother came out of the room. Mia turned around.

“Oh, hi mother!” she said nervously.  Mother swept up the stairs and hugged her.

“You came home!  But where is that pig of yours?”

“I, um, I realized you were right.  And I… Sold him. To the green bean lady.” Mia sweated.  She hated lying to her parents. But it was worth it if it saved Leo.

“Oh, Mia, I am so proud!  How much did you get?” Mia froze.

“Um… I got...er... $10.  It’s... in my backpack.” She was in deep now.

“Well, let’s talk about this in the morning.  You go to bed now.”

“Actually, I was just going to put my backpack in my room,” she held up the backpack, “And then put my bike away.”

“You do that.  I will go back to bed as well.” Mother went back down the stairs and into her room.  Mia dropped off the backpack and went outside to put the bike away. But instead, she opened the garage and grabbed the family’s camping tent and a sleeping bag.  She put these in the pen with Leo. Then Mia wheeled her bike to next to the pen and went inside after closing the garage door. In her bed, Mia waited for an hour to make sure mother was asleep.  She almost dozed off a few times, but managed to stay awake. Then Mia grabbed her backpack and jumped out the window again. In the small yard, she grabbed her equipment and put Leo in the bike basket.  Soon they were riding to the park again.

This time, they never came back.  Within a few weeks, Mia and Leo became experts at hiding.  They moved camp often and Mia took small jobs to make enough money to keep them going.  They only got caught once, and escaped. And that is the story of Mia and her pig, Leo.

Commercial Script by Kali Sura and Britta Nathan

Kali: (Walks in with a box) Hey Britta!  Look what I got!

Britta: (Reading on the floor, Looks up) Hi!  What is that thing?

Kali: (Proudly) Thiiiiiiiiiis is my new LAVA LAMP! ( Holds out box for world to see)

Britta: (skeptical) Um… It kinda looks more like a box…

Kali: (Opens box) See?  LAVA LAMP!!!!!!!!!!

Britta: Ok, lets set it up (grab a stool)

Kali: (sets lava lamp on the stool)  TADA!

Britta: How much was it, Kali?

Kali: Supa dupa cheap!

Britta: Wow I want one too!

Kali: Buy a Livilava Lava Lamp today!

Catfish Sued for Murder! People Clamor For Electric Eel! by Britta Nathan

A Five Foot Catfish in a pond near Frankfurt was sued after eating all the other fish in the pond and then moving on to ducklings, by the owner of the land.  

The catfish in question was brought into trial yesterday in a large fish tank and charged with cannibalism and homicide, and is now in custody...   

Super strength Koala Left Stuck in Fence Seeks Revenge! Staff Member in Hospital! by Britta Nathan

A clumsy Koala was left stuck in the fence at SA Power Networks after becoming caught for the third time in the last two days.  The staff at SA power networks were sick of calling the Animal Rescue place and decided to teach the Koala a lesson. A few hours later the Koala was found gnawing a hole through the door.  Before long it had gotten inside and tracked down one of the staff members who had refused to call Animal Rescue. Now the man is in the hospital with a broken leg after the koala picked him up and threw him out the window…

Ohio Man fined $150 for getting Fish Drunk! by Britta Nathan

An Ohio man was fined $150 yesterday after his wife discovered that the fish in his saltwater tank were drunk.  “I saw that all the fish were banging into the glass, and two were dead, so I thought to myself, ‘Those fish are drunk!’ and I reported it to the police.  My husband had spilled some of his drink into the water and gotten the fish drunk. One of the clownfish was gulping water and swimming in circles upside down!” the wife says.

The man is in custody until he pays the 150$ fine, and if this happens again, he will go jail…